Resolutions January, 2009, First Love Memories\Boys are snakes rule

On January 1, 2009 I wrote the following in my Journal:

"Today is the first day of what I hope will be an improved year. Last year I slipped downhill very fast I went from a normal FLDS Teenager to a very bad FLDS Teenager.
My new years resolutions are:
Learn to sew
Help the family with the house
Watch less movies (or none)
Learn to use my money wisely
Save up and don't buy stupid things
STOP PROCRASTINATING
Exercise everyday
Do activities with the Children
Stop fighting with my Mom
Be neater
Learn to french braid
Do school work as much as possible

Okay that about sums it up I just want to be a better person. I just want people to remember me for how good I was not how horrible and wicked and lazy. I pray I can improve myself this year of 2009 and go with our prophet when the time comes"

How I envy the innocence of that just-turned 17 FLDS girl. I remember how dirty and awful I felt because I started watching movies and going for walks and putting music like Avril Lavigne and Simple Plan on my ipod.

I felt like I was a "very bad FLDS teenager"

God. If I'd only known the things that were in store for me

I was sort of "set up for failure" from birth seeing as I lived on a 3 acre plot with two big houses with  my Dads Brothers family with dozens of little kids everywhere, but all the cousins in my age group were boys and I liked it just fine that way, I was a tomboy and girls were so "prissy" to me I liked to get adventuresome and dirty with the boys, skrew dolls!
So imagine my confusion one day when I was about 12 when suddenly it was no longer allowed to play alone with my cousins and even when we were playing being watched  by a grown-up we couldn't play tag or jump together on the trampoline.

I didn't understand it so I asked my Mom. She told me that boys were to be treated like "snakes" she said "you wouldn't want to touch a snake would you? or even play with one!" I answered that of course I wouldn't and she told me that I needed to stay pure for my husband and even being touched by a boy would ruin that.

...wow that blew my mind! heck yes I'll stay away from my cousins!
Getting married was the best thing to ever happen to a girl and if I was bad I might not get the man I was intended for because my Dad always said that if I sinned I would be married to a sinner and we might never proceed to the highest level of glory.
That scared me to my core. I just HAD to marry someone really good. who already had tons of wives and I would have my ticket to heaven and not have to die when Heavenly Father pours his destruction's upon us.

So I gave up my fun play times and imaginary worlds that I had created with my younger sister and my 3 boy cousins just so I would go to heaven.

It was still hard and I got in trouble alot when I did things with the boys especially my friend Seth. His family were very close friends with my family.
I remember I had strange feelings for him I felt embarrassed and nervous when he was around. One Thanksgiving all the kids went outside leaving the adults and Seth and I danced in front of the other kids, and yes, we touched and I had an incredible time. It was just puppy love and felt so evil there dancing in the dark. As we were dancing Seths mother came out and caught us and she reprimanded me sharply and kept a close eye on us from then on at every family gathering.
A year later our families went camping together (when I say "families" I am talking hundreds of people cuz everyone was married and had tons kids who had tons of kids) Seth and I wandered off all day long we went to his sisters camp ground, made up games with cards and "borrowed" a raft and went floating down the river. I didn't realize this but we had been gone from 10am to about 8pm and it was getting dark when his Mom found us sitting on a table playing games. I felt so scared when she showed up and soo incredibly guilty to the point of feeling nauseated. She took us both by the hand and walked us to camp base where she talked to Seths dad and my parents. They talked together looking at us, shaking heads and looking at us again. Then they told us we couldn't even talk to each other from then on. I was ready to rebel just for a chance to talk to him but he was scared shitless and would hardly look at me. All the adults tried to get me invlolved with the girls group and the teenagers took us on girls only hikes and same for Seth. But for me my whole trip was ruined. I have the memory of sitting off in the distance watching while Seth played horseshoes with some of the other boys and feeling so sad, (I know it sounds exaggerated but this is how I remember it LOL)  his turn was over and he turned and saw me sitting there and we just looked at each other for nearly a minute, I felt the urge to cry and he looked really sad too.  His sister who had been watching us came and made him go talk to his Mom and Dad.
Seth never even so much as looked my way again.
I was one sad little girl.
Even to this day I feel weird toward Seth, I ran into him one night when I was 18 and this was the first time we had talked since that day he was obviously rebellious cuz he was out at night and was talking to girls he was in a Semi and some friends I was with wanted to go say hi to their friend really quick so I drove them to a dark parking lot, we got out and went over to the truck. I didn't even know who we were seeing til he got in the light.. when we saw each other I felt the breath kind of leave my body and I blushed deeply. We looked at each other for a few seconds then looked away I felt something that night but I still don't know exactly what. But as for Seth, he is still in the FLDS and is making his parents proud.. I just wish him the best!

New York Pics

The Brooklyn Bridge was amazing the air was crisp and the view was amazing!
The Group that I was with in New York
My best friends!
Riding the tour bus
Me and Becca us girls had way to much fun in our hotel room!

Welcome To My World

My name is Jessica, I am 19 years old and just got back from a week long trip to New York City.

You're probably thinking "ahh just another crazy kid going to talk about her shopping exploits and boy problems"

But, my friend, you are wrong. 

You see, I was born and raised in the FLDS cult, religion, belief whatever you call it. If you have heard of Warren Jeffs you know about the marriages to girls 13 and up, multiple wives and children that come from there.

These past 6 days have changed my life.
I never in my wildest dreams could imagine the world that is out there beyond the small dusty desert town I grew up in with Novels, TV, and music all forbidden with the promise of burning in hell forever if you go against these rules.
Even Salt Lake City where I live now with its quiet Mormon families and family-friendly environment was a huge change to what I was used to.
So when I got the call on Saturday, September 10th from a women asking me if I would be interested in flying to New York to be on a talk show and tell the world my story I was beyond scared. Deep down I wanted to go so badly it hurt but I knew I wouldn't have the guts to go plus I could think of 30 excuses to not face my fears.
Everyone was adamant including my friend Tommy who was going, he begged me to come with him but I still found reasons not to.
How would I get work off? What will my family and friends think of me? What will I wear? How will i survive without a weeks pay?
That's when the woman (I'll call her MK) called me and offered to call my boss and assured me the show would cover lost wages and any clothing I would need

I thought "Wow, this is really happening"

She said she would call my boss.

Five minutes later I got a call back. My boss said I could go, no problems. The plane leaves on Wednesday.

What do I say now? I cant back out!  I was so scared I couldn't sleep

But that week in New York City has changed me. The things I got to see and experience were anything beyond what I could imagine I was overwhelmed with happiness and excitement and my confidence and zest for life is boosted higher than its ever been.

So this blog is going to be about me, my memories and experiences in the FLDS and my life now.

I just want to put my story out there for anyone who wants to know more about the inner workings of the FLDS and its for me as well, to remember and to move on.

My full name is Jessica Rohbock
My email is xpkjay@yahoo.com

(XPK means "Ex Plig Kid", that's what a lot of us go by now we are out)

Please email me any questions you have about me or the FLDS and I will write a blog about it the next day

Thanks for reading
-Jessica